Jess’s Hot Hook-Up Taylor Kitsch

Let’s get one thing straight: it’s not that we don’t love Billy Corgan’s music. “Cherub Rock” is awesome on Rock Band, and Zwan was way less annoying that we thought it would be. But throw him into a May-December romance with Jessica Simpson, and we’re less than enthusiastic. (On our personal relationship scale, they rated right between, “Hee. Actually? Ew.” and “…?”)On the upside, the Simpson-Corgan flash in the pan appears to have, um, flashed, which has left us with an all important question. Is it possible that Miss Simpson, she of the daddy issues and the yo-yo dieting, may have finally outgrown her weakness for whiny, misanthropic singer-songwriters? (We’re looking at you, too, John Mayer.)

Check out Moonit’s analysis of John’s other relationships of the blonde persuasion.

Could we dare to dream of such a leap into maturity? We could. According to recent reports, Simpson may be ditching the Chicago Svengali for the adorable, age-appropriate Taylor Kitsch. You know him, right? He’s the man candy who plays hot-boy-next-door “Riggins” on Friday Night Lights. (It’s cool. We’ll hang here while you freeze-frame his many, many shirtless scenes. Also: you’re welcome.)

Rumor has it that the two Texans were introduced late last year by Jessica’s bestie CaCee Cobb’s boyfriend, who’s none other than Scrubs’ Donald Faison. (Say that ten times fast.) Still, take a breath, y’all. Jess isn’t out of the woods yet, so let’s just manage our expectations and keep our appendages crossed. To date, everything’s been pretty PG-13 between Simspon and Kitsch, but our Flirt Detector has been giving us off-the-charts readings. Even at a low-key house party, Jess and Taylor were chatting each other up allllllll night long, and he dropped the “gorgeous” bomb on her countless times. Can you say “ego boost?” Moonit’s hoping against hope that there’s something legit here. (Or, at least, something beyond the makings of The Dukes of Hazzard II.)

See what’s going on with your relationship before Valentine’s Day.

Unfortunately, Moonit’s birthdate analysis for Jess (born on July 10, 1980) and Taylor (born on April 8, 1981) cautions that they’ve got a, “long and bumpy ride ahead.” There’s, “no doubt these two have been into each other since they first met, and they’re obsessed with seeing this relationship run its course–regardless of how many huge speed bumps they encounter.” That being said, “things have the potential to go great if he’s got the self confidence to be assertive and put his all into this relationship from the get-go.” Wow. Kind of a tall order, no?

Moonit goes on to warn that, “if Taylor’s even a little bit insecure, he’ll be terrified by feelings he has for her, and head for the hills whenever things get intense.” Sounds like Taylor might be channeling his on-screen persona Riggins there. But that’s exactly the kind of drama Jess is ready to endure in the presence of hotness. (Not that we blame her………Sorry. We drifted off into freeze-frame daydreams. Anyway.)

According to Moonit, the problem seems to be that, “there’s always going to be a layer of anxiety weighing their relationship down…it makes things a bit too uncomfortable for either of them to ever really have a good time.” However, their reading goes on to say that, “this anxiety isn’t going to be enough to stop these two from seeing this one out, and none of us can tell them otherwise.” Good luck, Jess. At least he’s not bald. And, you know, old enough to be your extremely young father.

Check out Moonit’s assessment of Jess’ ex-hubby Nick’s relationship with Vanessa.